closing time

Yeah I know I've said it before but this time it's 100% wicked double true. After the move this sunday, no more blogging on confetti. I will be writing elsewhere on internet, and if you ask me real nice I might tell you where.

I still want to post a bunch of photos here before I sign off though, so stay tuned...

cool hands

No more dental talk eh? Don't worry, be happy.

So I've had a couple new entries in my favorite game- "which celebrity is Jesse."

Last night a girl named Danielle said Joe Strummer from The Clash, which isn't quite right, but which I appreciate. Danielle had a bit of a head cold.

My former friend Desiree recently said Steve from Blues Clues. She's out of the will.

In other news, El Toro, who is moving in with her boyf, reserved a UHaul truck three days ago and will be picking it up half a mile from our house. I waited a day longer and will be picking up my UHaul in Far Rockaway.

When I first moved here my co-worker Henry, a lifelong NYC resident, told me Far Rockaway was the most dangerous neighborhood in the city. This city has a lot of neighborhoods; to be the worst, it must be pretty bad.

An architect I met last night will be joining me on my trip to Far Rockaway with a video camera to chronicle the perilous journey. I'm not convinced he'll still have his camera by the end of the trip. Stay tuned.

10-3-07
Glamour Shoes

one wafer-thin mint for the gentleman

I can't believe that I left that bloody paper towel as my last post for two days, that lacks class. (It's a stranger's blood by the way, which makes it less gross.)

Brief update- much less pain, the swelling is subsiding very slowly. In a fit of rage against my dentist, I visited the jazzman, a swingin' dude with a ton of good reviews on Yelp.com. He was great, he used unorthodox techniques from the UK, his office is in a cool part of the city, he accepted a payment plan and he has been calling me every day to make sure I am okay. (to be honest the daily calls have been a little much, but people tell me that's because I have trust issues.)

I went back to my crusty old dentist today and, like a jealous boyfriend, he is angry about the new guy, he says jazzman did it all wrong, ruined everything, is gonna cost me more in the long run. "Jesse I teach these procedures at NYU, I probably taught your new dentist, what's his name anyhow?!" The jazzy new guy, by contrast, doesn't mind if I still see my old dentist sometimes. "I mean, the other guy's a square, but I'm into open relationships."

Easy boys, I've got enough teeth to go around!

Anyhoo, I'm getting a root canal in a couple weeks, just like in cartoons, except without the mallet, the ten-foot drill or the ice pack tied to my head with a ribbon. For now the weirdest thing is that I can't open my mouth more than an inch to get food inside, even though I can chew just fine. This means I am on a, um, "thin food" diet, i.e. crackers, pizza, crepes, etc. How odd.

bushwick bleeding

I wasn't convinced my dentist did his duty today so I revisited my local hospital tonight, with a Flavr-Ice on my aching jawline. This blood was on the floor in the waiting room. Did you ever see Jacob's Ladder? Yeah.

walkin' tall

Kristin at work said that my swollen jawline is giving me a "John Krasinski profile." That was probably the highlight of my day.

Personally, I'm not seeing the sculpted jawline of Jim from The Office. I look in the mirror and see what it would look like if I was chubby on one side, regular on the other. A regular Harvey Dent I am. If Kristin had called me Harvey Dent, I would've burst into tears.

In related news, have you guys heard of this Dark Knight movie? It was really good to watch for entertainment! I'm very proud of Hollywood.

more to see

Remember when I used to blog about food a lot? Or Griff? This is a blog I like, another friend of a friend. Check it out!

meals i have eaten

view from a floor

This weekend has been all about sustaining. I'm having post-operative issues with my dental work, leaving me in intense pain ALL THE TIME. I suggested to Alissa that it's G-d punishing me for getting a sweet studio apartment last week. She confirmed this is, in fact, how the good lord works.

It started getting bad Thursday afternoon so I made an appointment Monday morning with my rat bastard dentist, thinking it would be no big deal to wait. Friday morning my eyes started watering up on the train and I knew I was in trouble. When I called his office 8 times Friday, no one answered, which means he was on some made-up Jewish holiday (Pocono-shana?), or that they screen my calls.

So I've been toughing it out this weekend on ibuprofen, with oxycodone when I go to sleep. Last night I almost called one of these all-night clinics where you pay through the nose because you just can't take it anymore.

Now I have my eye on the prize, I'm less than 24 hours from possible relief, assuming my incompetent dentist with his oversized face and his de-jewified name (it used to be Seidemann) can do anything for me. I can handle this, right?

It's really bad though, I was just lying with my cheek pressed against the cold linoleum floor for a half hour. I also rinsed some gin around in my mouth because everyone keeps telling me "whiskey cures a toothache" and we're fresh out of bourbon. The gin may have done more damage than good; it was fresh from the freezer and cold things exacerbate the situation.

lookee loo

You're looking at my lunch, aka my breakfast. It was the first food I ate today, at 4pm, the awesome spicy green steak enchiladas at my fave local Mexican diner. Are they better than my famous sour cream and onion red enchiladas? Don't make me choose.

Huh, just got a text message from Nicole, back from San Francisco. Went to lunch with Lani last week, an ex from long ago who lives in New Orleans now. We held hands as an experiment, while romantically discussing hand logistics ("No, you have to interlock them! Your fingers are sweaty. I'm bored.") I went to the wedding of Lisa a few weeks ago (yes she's a Rockette, what's the big deal?) I still talk to Jessica regularly, who is getting married in August. And *marlo* the spring fling wants to start dating me again, which would be dumb.

A couple things all this makes me think of.
1) I sure have racked up the exes, which makes me feel like someone who is unwilling to finish what they start.
2) Is all this continued interaction healthy? Em says no, you should say goodbye and never look back. I'm not sure.

I sure am oversharing today, it must be this article that inspired (ruined?) me. I'll have to write a few more posts quick so no one gets a chance to read this one.

787

This is my 787th post, you all have seen so much spiritual growth and maturity since I started...hey check this out!


So we did the charity soccer tournament this weekend and as much fun as we had, boy-o did we stink! Someone said Bad News Bears, someone else said They Shoot Horses Don't They? I was honestly kind of relieved at the general poopitude of the team because it distracted from my own floundering skills. Team roster:

-me, captain of the clearly sinking ship
-one talented but lazy Brazilian
-Josh Loss
-our star player, a 14-year-old girl
-4 lawyers, all of whom are technically the boss of me
-2 Haitian guys who were either hilarious or unintelligible, depending
-Cupcake was our designated cheerer

One of the lawyers, an intensely good-natured wiry dude, sure did like to fist-pound and laugh in my ear. That's okay, he also took out his credit card after the tournament and started our night at Mr. Dennehey's with a bang.

A boozy bang, which lasted until the bar closed down at 4:30 (at least for me and Josh). At which point I ate some chicken tenders on the sidewalk, then got lost, then fell asleep on the train and woke up in Dangerville Ghetto at 6am. In purple Umbros and a bright orange t-shirt no less. (Don't knock it, my gross outfit seemed to do pretty well in the bar. I forgot until right now how a spazzy girl named Nicole grabbed ten parts of my body while I chatted with her friend, sizing me up like a white slave.)

Funny aside- ESPN magazine thought my team looked good on the field and took some photos which they may actually publish. No one had the heart to tell them our record.

red carpet

Today I did a staged photo shoot of two established partners and a new associate. It's supposed to look like the seasoned lawyers are giving sage advice to the young upstart. Right before the shoot, one of the partners said "Hey it's that naked stewardess!" Apparently at 2:30 pm every day, a SwissAir stewardess strips down in the window of her Midtown apartment building. And there she was, in all her shiny, store-tanned glory.

So me and the lawyers ogled her for a minute, then we did the photo shoot. I had the young guy pretend to write in a notepad while the other two leaned over his shoulder and gave words of wisdom. The hilarious thing is that their staged "mentoring conversation" was really all about the naked lady. I wish I could post photos here but I'd like to keep my job.

In other news, Feist was an awesome concert last night.
Cheers to:
-newfriends Michael and Aileen (sp?)
-Greg's parslyed meatchunk lasagna
-jammin' sounds
-Alissa returns!

Jeers to:
-confiscating everyone's umbrellas on our way in, ten minutes before it started to pour
-$40 tickets!
-my sweat
-ICT (Insult, Comfort, Touch)

Footage:

diminishing returns

Hi readers. Sorry to disappear, I made Riley so nervous!

I've been real busy but today I stayed home from work, presumably to hunt for apartments. Instead I've used the time to eat croissants and watch macho movies. Tonight I'm supposed to have my soccer captains' dinner but I'm skipping that to see Feist in Park Slope (don't freak out Mert, our priorities are different.)

I've noticed that days off for me rarely involve pants.

Today I found out that teams in the charity soccer tournament include Major League Soccer and ESPN, who boast ringers from the national teams of Venezuela and Trinidad. I scored a goal once in eighth grade.

Remember Daphne Bananas Yang? We've now started getting mail for Jazz Kobe Jubilee. If everyone is choosing fun cartoon names, can I be Whiskey Willy Wilson?

Oh check out what happened to my "closet"-
I built that thing over my bed when I first moved in. Now it fell apart under the weight of my fashionable New York business casuals. Here's the thing though, I don't want to fix the closet, I'm moving out in a month. So where should I put my clothes?

Je me souviens

Late post, it's Mme. Hammer and Grayskull!

High Road

Hi all, I'm off for the long weekend, lots of hijinx in store. A few things before I go.

-As I was cutting Grayskull's nails last night it occurred to me I haven't bitten my own nails in months. Do bad habits just disappear sometimes?

-I'm captaining a charity soccer team next weekend and after a string of dropouts, I got really desperate for players. Last night I sent an email to every person I know in NYC, and I have cobbled together one of the strangest ragtag groups of people ever- Australian, Brazilian, and Haitian, high-schoolers and middle-agers, punk rockers and investment bankers. Adventure!

-I stole a pair of sunglasses from H&M last weekend. Not sure why, I also bought several things while I was there. Felt kind of good though, stay tuned to confetti for more True Crime Stories!

-Am I crazy for passing up a free trip to Toronto? No.

-Thanks to Mme. Hammer, who wins Big Mensch Award for tending to Grayskull this weekend. I met her near her uptown work this afternoon for a key exchange, got in a brief altercation with a barista, then looked at puppies.

Okay, enough blogging, Hungover Jesse wishes my American audience...

9-30-07
When Patrick disappeared after the wedding and all that was left was his tie and hat

9-25-07
Bryant Park