"So this is the new year...

...and I don't feel any different."

Should I resolve to blog more? Sure, why not? It's not like anyone keeps their resolutions anyways. I'm off to New York this weekend. If you need something to keep you occupied on the Internet, try this horribly addictive little game.

Happy New Year!

This doll poops

Please don't take this as an endorsement.

Jesse

So I'm not big on these things, they're kind of like MySpace surveys. But seeing as how prahagirl is one of my most devoted blog readers, and I've never even met her, I figured I should give it a shot. I was 'tagged' to list six weird things about myself, so here goes.

1) I probably watch five movies a week, but I've never seen Forest Gump.

2) My dad is a French citizen, but I've never been to the France.

3) I almost went deaf when I was six.

4) I've been to Lithuania and Latvia and Estonia.

5) If I'm in love, I never dream about the person I'm in love with.

6) My hair turns red in the summer.

Offline

Happy holidays everybody!

In the Spirit

This morning after a lovely brunch with Ron and Sharon, a guy approached me. He had a table set up for keeping teenagers off drugs or something.
Guy: Hey, can you help with...
Jesse: Yeah sure no problem. (puts dollar in basket)
Guy: Hey, thanks man, you're the first person to help out in hours.
Jesse: Mostly I just feel bad because I was mean to a homeless guy earlier.
long awkward pause
Guy: Yeah well, um, happy holidays.

Wow

You spin me right round baby

Some of my loyal readers may remember my brief fascination with the rock-em sock-em sport of roller derby. My interest waned for years but two weekends ago, it began afresh. While our friend Emily was in town for a quick visit, me, her and Alli took a trip to the burbs for a night of holiday roller derby. Don't doubt me, I have photographic proof.

The event took place at a Shriner's stadium, and if Michael Richards has taught us anything, it's that those be-fezzed old gentlemen are really a bunch of violent sex-crazed thugs. Look at these derby spectators, they're about to toss away their canes and get bizz-ay, Shriner-style!

Although don't get me wrong, this sport is not about wanton violence or flagrant sexuality, it's about athletic majesty.

One of my favorite parts of the show was the cover band who played between periods. With a very low irony level, these rock gods gave us blistering versions of everything from Def Leppard's perennial Pour Some Sugar on Me to Billy Idol's classic Rebel Yell. Leather pants! No shirts! Boozing!
The lead singer, who minced and pranced with unparalleled drunken electricity, is singing here to A-rock, revealing his plans to rock her like a hurricane. Emily is quite proud.

Rock her he did...

Bonus Photos
Later that evening I stopped by the house to pick up Joanna for a raucous party at Jenny's house. Lucky I arrived when I did- I found Didier about to feast on her eyeballs! After I pried her from his razor-sharp teeth, Joanna forgave him and called him Mister Snugglepants.

This is a totally irrelevant photo of me on Rebecca's porch in Toronto. I have a sour puss because I began to suspect that Rebecca fancied that jerk penguin.

While I'm at it

The previous post reminded me of something I had to do for work last week. I was researching a Japanese company called Gazoo. Unfortunately all the information pages were written in Japanese, so I used Google translation to help me out. What the translation lacked in helpfulness, it made up for in unintentional comic genius. Copy and paste this into your browser:

http://64.233.179.104/translate_c?hl=en&u=http://gazoo.com/G-Blog/nextone/3210/Article.aspx&prev=/search%3Fq%3Dgazoo%26hl%3Den%26lr%3D%26safe%3Dactive%26rls%3DGGLJ,GGLJ:2006-44,GGLJ:en

Joking love funtime explosively!

I brought back more incredibly horrible obnoxious tchotchke from Toronto, of which there seems to be an endless supply. I kept making Rebecca stop at little Chinese emporiums as we walked around the city. Amazingly enough she had never been inside any of these goldmines. And she calls herself an urban sophisticate!

Picture 1- Mister Lady gets friendly with a new doll from the Groovy Hairz product line (which I'm sure you're all familiar with.) I bought this doll to keep lonely Quasi company, like a mail-order Canadian bride. I'm glad, as I was not looking forward to giving him a tutorial on troll masturbation. Sickles!

Picture 2- Helpful instructions from one of my other gifts. I will give an extra-special christmas present to the first person who correctly guesses what these instructions are for. Click to enlarge.

For the holidays

I just got this promotional flier in the mail from my employer. I'm not interested in getting fired, so I will refrain from editorializing. However, my astute readers should feel free to share their observations in the comment section. Click to enlarge.

Hi

The day after a Rebecca visit always leaves me feeling a bit empty. For now, please amuse yourself with this clip from Tim and Eric, hilarious sketch comics with a new show coming to Adult Swim.

Jet Set

Hi friends, hi. Where does the time go? I'm off to Toronto for the weekend, visiting sweet Rebecca before she disappears to Australia (did you know she's half-Australian? It's true.) Anyway, I've been a pretty crummy blogger for awhile now and I feel a bit bad. So I've made you an e-card*! See you next week!

*make sure to hit the chat button!

On the Internet (4)

Check out Burrelles Luce!

On the Internet (3)

Okay, I just read an article about Lindsay Lohan on CNN.com. Typically I could give a hoot about what the celebs are up to, but this article was a kick. Their whole focus was on her going to AA, with faint gloating undertones, like "See, we told you she had a problem!" But to me what is more interesting is the number of times she contradicts herself or sounds foolish in just this one little story.

I guess what I don't understand is, even after we tear these people down and reveal them for the vapid media whores they really are, why are they still idolized? Yes, we make fun of the Jessicas and Parises and Britneys, but we also salivate eagerly while watching their every meaningless move. Am I to come to the obvious conclusion that dumb is the new cool?

On the Internet (2)

Jon may have been sick with the flu for awhile, at one point even reaching a 104 fever, but that doesn't mean he didn't single-handedly repair the inner workings of our broken Nintendo, using knowledge he got off the Internet. While he was down, he also found out this amazing fact from his favorite website, Wikipedia. Jon has looked up Food, Babes and Life on Wikipedia, among billions of other things.

56%!!!

On the Internet (1)

Something different.

If you were paying a little attention to current events today, you will have heard that Iran decided it would be a good idea to host a little Holocaust Disbelievers convention. Not only that, but the President of Iran thought it would be nice to extend a personal invitation to a leader of the Ku Klux Klan. Oh yeah, as keynote speaker at this nutball hoedown, Prezzie Ahmadinejad declared that Israel should be wiped from the face of the earth. ???

The obvious first conclusion is that the leader of Iran is just as crazy and evil as the media says he is. But only dopes believe Western mainstream media. My next inclination is to get paranoid and think that the CIA paid off to ensure the guy would provoke the world's ire. I picture some back-alley transaction with whispered words of "Don't worry, we won't really invade you, you're just making the President look smart for once."

I don't even think it's that far-fetched.

A Trifle

Please excuse my exhaustion everybody. I worked a long day after sleeping very little. I have five or six good posts to write, but I'm gonna hold off until my mind is clearer tomorrow. For now, this is the trailer for the movie Sir No Sir. It's a documentary that got great reviews but I haven't seen yet. My Uncle Oliver is the first guy talking in the trailer. He was a Lieutenant in the Air Force who dropped out of Vietnam for political reasons and was taken to trial. This movie is about the war resisters who were actually in the armed forces.
Take a peek. Also all your comments have been addressed.

Blogorama!

tonight. also, all comments shall get their due.

Irrelevant to most

So let's say you work for a certain media monitoring firm that may or may not begin with the letters Burr____, how about you drop me a line? My email address is on the right. I'm curious what's up.