lookee loo
You're looking at my lunch, aka my breakfast. It was the first food I ate today, at 4pm, the awesome spicy green steak enchiladas at my fave local Mexican diner. Are they better than my famous sour cream and onion red enchiladas? Don't make me choose.
Huh, just got a text message from Nicole, back from San Francisco. Went to lunch with Lani last week, an ex from long ago who lives in New Orleans now. We held hands as an experiment, while romantically discussing hand logistics ("No, you have to interlock them! Your fingers are sweaty. I'm bored.") I went to the wedding of Lisa a few weeks ago (yes she's a Rockette, what's the big deal?) I still talk to Jessica regularly, who is getting married in August. And *marlo* the spring fling wants to start dating me again, which would be dumb.
A couple things all this makes me think of.
1) I sure have racked up the exes, which makes me feel like someone who is unwilling to finish what they start.
2) Is all this continued interaction healthy? Em says no, you should say goodbye and never look back. I'm not sure.
I sure am oversharing today, it must be this article that inspired (ruined?) me. I'll have to write a few more posts quick so no one gets a chance to read this one.
posted by jesse @ 5:48 PM
10 Comments:
As someone who has allowed their ex to help them move twice (both times he offered with no prompting on my part), I agree with your friend that yes, no contact is better...in theory. But some times the rules depend on the people involved...and the expectations they hold...and now I have no idea what I'm talking about.
Oh, brother.
Unfinished business, that's a tough one.
I'm still friends with several of my exes. I think it shows emotional maturity. I mean, I never did anything so awful to someone that they'd want me out of their life completely, even after I dumped them. That means I'm pretty wonderful, right?
What about the fact that half of my friends are guys I met through online dating, which makes them people I, at one point, went on dates with? Is that weird? I don't think so.
In related news, from looking at your history, I think you might have some sort of intimacy issues.
What about Star from the Dells? ??
I have never taken out a restraining order against my ex and I still consider myself extremely emotionally immature.
i just want to shake you like a british nanny.
Erm, I'm thinking an occasional glance back once a great sea of healthy distance has been established is ok. But otherwise, distance, total and utter is best.
And I know from personal experience easier said than done, but while I agree being friends with ex's shows a degree of emotional maturity, for that to work you have to both want exactly the same thing and that can't be something romantic.
Too often someone has ulterior motives even if frequently they are unwilling to admit that, even to themselves.
So that's my essay. I know you already know all this, it was more a general treaty on the topic.
Hope you feel better!
Sure, being friends with exes can be a bit masochistic, and there's almost always going to be a bit of residual sexual tension; but the same can be said of opposite-sex friendships, in general, no?
All relationships are complicated -- friendly, romantic, professional, or otherwise -- but the people I choose to keep in my life are well worth the occasional struggle.
thanks for all your input.
1)Sue: Star thought horse penises were so funny and wanted to be a TV news anchor. I kinda hated her, never dated her.
2)Sarah: British nanny? get a grip
3)There are things all of you say that I agree with. I have weird 'unfinished business' friendships with some exes, others seem like close chums that I can't remember sleeping with, and the rest are stiff and polite. I'm always willing to try for a friendship, even if it doesn't work out, ya know?
joshua, meet valerie. valerie, josh.
If this entire comment didn't make sense, I'm loopy on vicodyn, leave me be.
Hello.
Hi. Nice to meet you. I'm Valerie.
hi, i was just reading this now. i think you forgot the most major ex you ever had, who is right here writing this!!!! the on you CAN NEVER FORGET!!!!!! (hint: most beautiful and mysterious one)
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