On the Waterfront

as nicole and I went exploring among the concrete pilings and warehouses down by the East River in Brooklyn, it occured to me that my dockworker hat had finally come into fashion.
also this weekend-
-I finally saw the Gates and was totally underwhelmed. kind of a bland repetitive piece of conceptual art. however, it provided a nice excuse to walk through Central Park with my sweetie.
-I decided New York dogowners are snooty fuckers. I suspected this after trying to pet a couple cute puppies and having the dogs yanked out from under my petting paw. also, Big Apple pooches often sport precious little sweaters or legwarmers or other accoutrements that scream out, "my owner has no soul!" so I tried an experiment- I started telling every dogowner I saw that their dog was cute, just to see their reactions. I was totally ignored every time except when a large dog jumped on me and the owner had no choice but to make pleasantries.
-We saw some cutting-edge, in-your-face theater called Hiding Behind Comets, where the two main characters were twins and the sister had an orgasm every time her brother had sex. also, all the actors were soaked in blood by the time they took their final bow. I'll admit it was entertaining. I'll also admit I miss Wisconsin's simplicity and gentleness.

It has been a really nice four-day weekend. And if tonight's snowstorm messes up my flight, the weekend might just stretch on for another day. high-five!

100 Guns 100 Clips

cheers to alli for lending me the street creds to use that subject header. I'm off to the friendliest city this side of detroit. Back on Tuesday, if I don't get "discovered" by a Broadway talent scout.

Portage People, part two

City Attorney Jake and the Fat Man looks like the bully who took all your marbles and is sitting in class with a self-satisfied smile, knowing you have no way to get them back. Round and ruddy, Mr. Voigt sits on the right side of the mayor at city council meetings and whispers things in his ear from time to time. I imagine he whispers things like this:
"They don't suspect a thing."
"You have a piece of veal stuck to your chin."
"Look at Jesse ______ over there, smug and self-satisfied, like he stole all our marbles."

Suzi the Radio Reporter told me she knew someone who went to college with Jake. Apparently he was a rip-roaring beer-guzzling yahoo like G.W. He actually had a nickname like Chumpy or Pigrock but Suzi couldn't remember what it was.

shut up

so I walk into the mayor's tire shop today and a large blustery man follows me in.
blusterman: do you have any goddamned idea how to drive?
jesse: excuse me?
b-man: you pulled in front of my wife back there, goddamned near killed her! dumb driver don't even look before you turn!
jesse: I'm sorry, I...
b-man: sorry don't make it right. goddamned well better learn bluster bluster!

the mayor watched our exchange with a mirthful smile, reflecting on all the bad publicity I've given him in the last few months.

Portage People, part one

let's start with City Engineer Les Nesman. A normal-enough seeming gent who knows the ins and outs of storm sewers, traffic lights and swamp levees like nobody's business. at the same time, the man unbuttons his shirt to below his nipples and has enough hair on his chest to swaddle an arctic infant.

then there's Airport Manager Nanook of the North. I just met the man today for a benign interview about airport restructuring and he tells me how he got some good news from the doctor.
an unedited transcript:
jesse: what's the good word?
poppy: well I had surgery for my hernia (he makes a finger triangle around his crotch to display where the surgery was) but it just tore apart lifting boxes at the pancake breakfast at St. Mary's saturday.
jesse: oh my. this is good?
poppy: well, the doctor said I'm going to have to live with this ripping pain for the rest of my life (he continues to indicate that his crotch is the area in question.) But I'm an old codger and I kind of expect this sort of thing.

Come to think of it, I don't remember any good news.

a film

have you all seen the movie stripes?
it's an excursion where bill murray has the chance to coach a ragtag bunch of misfit troops into being all they can be. it's kind of like army-lite, where being sassy is rewarded and authority figures get embarassed and bill murray has sex with models and john candy mudwrestles five women. also, when soldiers go into combat, no one dies, the bad guys just get smoke on their faces or lose their clothes or something, like in home alone.
but the real reason I brought up stripes was this piece of dialogue from when bill murray tries to convince his hilarious buddy to invade czechoslovakia in an armored Winnebago:

Bill Murray: C'mon, it's Czechoslovakia! We zip in, we pick 'em up, we zip right out again. We're not going to Moscow. It's Czechoslovakia! It's like we're going into...Wisconsin.
Hilarious Buddy: Hey, I once got my ass kicked in Wisconsin!

they end up invading czechoslovakia.