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please tell me they won't call some generation "the children of 9-11." I just thought of that and it makes my stomach sink. there's still a few blue states kicking around, right? I bet we can prevent the use of that phrase with a filibuster or some shit. and while we're at it, maybe a ban on those goddamn car magnets.

enough

yesterday I drove shelby to madison to die.
she looked at me curiously while I cried and tried not to swerve off the road.
I continued to fall apart at the clinic with Nicole. The kitty took time out from being lethargic to fight tooth and nails with the vet who tried to put in the IV. they had to give her a pre-death sedative, allowing her to die peacefully.
when we carried her little body out to my truck, it started snowing for the first time this year, a fitting tribute.
we buried her in my backyard at night in the snow, Nicole shining a flashlight while I dug my first grave. Nicole set up some railroad driftwood and stones as a little marker, we told some teary stories and said goodbye.
I can't believe how hard this has hit me. I almost felt bad cleaning the gravemud off my shoes today, like I was cleansing myself of the cat's memory. I've got too much to do to continue moping. enough.

all god's creatures

last night nicole and I brought Mr. Kittums to an all-night emergency pet clinic in Madison, thinking she needed to get some fluids in her. the suspected diagnosis was bad- kitty ate some cassette tape, it's tangling up in her innards and it will cut her intestines if left untreated. surgery is $1500 to $3000, so...
the last shot was to give her some water and medicine injections and see if she started eating again. for some weird reason, the last step before euthanasia was to buy some meat-flavored baby food and see if she'd eat it.
as I stood in Piggly Wiggly, deciding whether kittums would be more likely to respond to beef and broccoli or chicken with acorn squash and wild rice, I just realized how bizarre it is to live in the U.S. in so much of the world, life is cheap, human and otherwise. here, the vet frowns if you are unwilling to ante up thousands of dollars for a complicated surgical procedure for your cat. and we puzzle over whether our infants are in the mood for a Thanksgiving themed puree or something with Oriental flair. culture of bloat.
I am feeling pretty devastated. It's pouring rain. on the way home from Pig-Wig I saw a Canadian Goose limping along by the side of the road, dragging a broken leg. I hope they give me Shelby's body so I can bury her.

asian beetles, asian buffet

I don't want to spend any time talking about why I'm doing this. It's obviously self-indulgent/ self-absorbed, there's no question of that. but I've been thinking about having my own blog for 4 days, a long time for a guy with my attention span. I assume this means it's the right thing to do.

I skipped thanksgiving this year and I'm feeling good about it. I decided I had too much to do to play the awkward orphan at someone else's feast. "Sir, could I trouble you to pass me half a pat of margarine for my cracker? God bless you."
"Too much to do" is a relative term. Mostly I walked around my apartment in my boxers, standing in a trance over the whooshing heating vents whenever I felt I had earned it. When I got my shit together at about 3:30 or 4, I went hunting for a Chinese restaurant, book in hand. I entertained a few false hopes before I saw my place. at a desolate strip mall in Middleton, there it was- Edo Buffet. My question- is all-you-can-eat actually a deal when the food tastes like it came off of other people's plates? It's a rhetorical question.
Also, I am worried about Mr. Shelby Kittums. she hasn't eaten or drinken for a couple days and she's totally listless and weird. Nicole thinks she ate one of the Asian beetles that infest rickety old houses in Wisconsin. I think she might be dying. For those who don't know, she was diagnosed with kitty herpes at an early age, and the doctors didn't give her many years to live. please send prayers or cross your fingers for the little trooper- I can't afford to fix her.
how tragic.