I hate people who ironically thank Al Gore for inventing the Internet

The Internet is so great, right? Every day I find out about more obscure things to bore people at parties! The woman on the right is Genevieve De Fontenay, president of the Miss France Committee. She recently had to help decide whether to strip the current queen of her crown.

Also interesting to me is Peter Norman, the white Australian guy on the podium when the two brave dudes did the black power salute in the '68 Olympics.

Has anybody ever made a Tequila Rapido? I saw people drinking them in a French movie and it looked fun so much! So last night I tried it with bourbon instead of tequila and it didn't work right. I couldn't make it fizz and I made big messes but I kept repeating my experiment, over and over again. Accidentally drunk, for science.

My friend Des has a new blog, this post is me! She writes about other stuff too sometimes, I think. Happy New Yearses.

A Life In Pictures

Little Sis broke the bank to get me all these whisk(e)y nips for Christmas. She thinks I'm a connoisseur with a refined pallet. My mother thinks I'm drunkard Andy Capp. Everyone is right!

Die happy.

It's like I was telling J. Hynes the other day, sometimes I am overwhelmed by my own raw muscle power.

Grayskull inspects the cool gifts I bought for her Thanksgiving catsitter. In hindsight, I strongly regret giving away the Shaq shower kit and Professor Slimesworth.

I saw two people get creamed by a car on Bushwick Ave. The flares were pretty.

Can't get enough of my own feet.

Some family members on Thanksgiving...I spy a powerful mustache and a powerful hat!

R.I.P. my truck. It went really crazy over Thanksgiving break like in the movie Maximum Overdrive and nearly killed people. Seriously. This is its final resting place in Milford Connecticut.

This is Al Posey, the drunken mechanic who purchased the haunted truck for $50. Booze and bargains make him grin.

Bushwick Hotel- cheap, very close to my apartment. We need a guinea pig so we can know if it is parent-friendly. Seriously, I'll pay the $50 room rate if a volunteer will crash there for an evening.

First snow.

Rude jerk barking jerks!

My mother thought Jesus would be really ticked that moneylenders (Western Union) set up a booth on the steps of St. Patrick's Cathedral. This is right before she flipped the table over.

Jaded Jesse, on a train.

Jaded A-bomb, feels no pain.

out the door

Don't be mad, but I couldn't give a flying badonkadonk about christmas this year. Not even grinchy, just neutral.

Last night I went to St. Patrick's Cathedral to hear the choir rock out on Christmas. We snagged weird "backstage" seats right behind the choir, which made things less magical somehow. Maybe it was the groupies teasing their hair or the roadies sparking blunts.

Went to Outback with the work posse today. I am onion, watch me bloom. Is it possible to catch gout from over-eating?

I'm proud of my old buddies Matty and Dan, their play wasn't crappy at all!

I'm taking a train to Springfield tonight with A, spending the night at the House of Two Mommies. I will leave you with pictures from T's fashion show, Wednesday night, at Gold's Gym!

I learned the word badonkadonk because of this model. Look at the ogling man on the left. He looks like someone who eats his dessert before his meal.

This was a new fashion idea invented by T, the sash over one eye. He told me it is "popping," which I guess means odd and clumsy.

Post-party, best kept blurry.

Happy holiday, from somebody's family to yours.

Good Roomie!

I guess my tantrums pay off sometimes...A made Noah's Ark of toothbrush!

envy.

I always thought that this piece of hardware was sufficient, utilitarian, simple and effective. No problem.

Now A brought home this precious little hugging dog and I feel like a pauper. I might as well stick my toothbrush in a turd.

I believe in miracles (you sexy thing)

Look who I saw peeking off the cover of this high-impact minority magazine! *wink*

ramble on

-I think it's a little emasculating that, when I use my Extra Savings Card at CVS, the receipt says "Hello Mr. Jessica Shimmin!" Jessica was my live-in girlfriend a long time ago, and we were serious enough to have matching CVS cards.

-I just agreed to be co-captain of my work soccer team for the spring. This is a figurehead role but I intend to go mad with power. I'm scheduling our first practice on Christmas Day in the Bronx. There is no room for losers.

-With grad school deadlines rapidly approaching, I realize I should not have put off asking my old professors for recommendations until now. I'm using aggressive charm/begging as my tactic, though Beth Mullin suggests sending them a C-Note. "Hey teach, you may be too busy to help me, but what about your old friend Ben Franklin?!!!"

-First celeb sightings in the city- Amy Poehler and Martha Plimpton.

- The news gets more and more Mad Max every day.

tough times

I have been sleeping two to four hours every night ever since I went off my anti-smoking medication. I'm still not smoking but I think I'm going a little nutso.

When I called Pfizer today to ask about my increasing withdrawal madness, they put me through to one of those unhelpful well-mannered phone reps in India. "I'm sorry to hear about your unsatisfaction Mr. Hirsch, would you like Pfizer to send you an informational brochure?"

I wonder if any suicide hotlines are outsourced to the third world.

This time it's personal

Someone found my blog today by searching cars torched Bushwick. I think the arson was Googling him/herself! Now I fear I've glamourized their bad behavior by splashing it all over the Internet.

Well I've got a message for you, firestarter- Crime Doesn't Pay! I'm already an NYPD Junior Inspector and A plans to create a neighborhood crime watch, complete with berets and billyclubs.

Lights out for you pal!

epidemic

This torched car was on my block, right where I used to park my truck. Did I mention I sold my truck for fifty bucks to a drunk mechanic?

New Math

I know what everybody's thinking- "Where's the other posts? Jesse, I need to move on with my life!"

Well the truth is, people who read this blog, I never promised anything. Posts 10 through 4! Internet trick! Here's a picture!