Hey Chops!

The other night A-Ved and I were walking to the Someday Cafe to meet the reporter from the Phoenix. Walking by the Somerville Theater, I suggested we poke our heads in so Alli could meet my new roomie Josh, who was working at the Film Festival.

I was tricked at first when I saw a guy with extreme mutton chops holding court near the popcorn. Then I realized he was a lot younger than Josh and we kept going. Almost immediately after, Ved spotted Josh's signature chops* behind the wheel of a little gold Honda.

I started walking quickly, approaching the car with a wave and a grin. Josh rolled down the window and I leaned inside.

"Hey Big Boy, you looking to party?" I said seductively, playing the hustler for cheap laughs. Then I got serious and introduced him to Ved, who leaned in and shook his hand. All the while, I was looking at the impressive chops.

Then I simultaneously realized all of these things:
-Josh did not say his name to Ved.
-Josh isn't portly.
-Josh does not have a receding hairline or a light Hogan mustache.
-I had asked a stranger if he wanted to "party."
-I had gone too far to turn back.
-I had no idea what to do next.

The dude asked if we were going to the festival and I freaked out and lied. "Yu-yu-yeah!" I stammered. Unfortunately he wanted to know which film we were going to.

I had discussed all 3 or 4 movies that day with Real Josh, but under the circumstances could not remember any of them. I think I was a bit preoccupied with finding the easiest escape route. Finally I thought of a half-assed response and started to move away from the situation.

"Uh, the Nick Cave one, haveagoodnight," I muttered with an awkward parting smile and wave. I felt relieved to get away, but the guy was probably just as glad to be rid of me. He rolled up his window and sped off while we went inside to wait for the reporter.

Epilogue: Don't worry, Ved got to meet Real Josh later while she was wearing zombie makeup.

*Are they really his signature when I saw 3 guys wearing them in the same night? I'm just saying.

Set Them Free

In my dream, milkman and I were heading for Mexico, but we made a pit stop in Amarillo, Texas. While there, it seemed like a good idea to tag "Set Them Free" on trees with orange spray paint.

Before you knew it, we were in the local prison. They weren't ready to book us right away so they told us to wait outside. I used my cell phone to call my mom, thinking she might lend some help. Unfortunately she said, "I always knew this would happen," and hung up. Then when I walked back into prison,* they took my new green hat, which is special to me. That burned me up. Prison sucks.

*Maybe I should've run away instead of walking back into prison. Dream Jesse sure is dumb.

The Revisionist

So now I've been in Boston for a year, a pretty good year, at the end of the day. But due to some recent life changes (which most of you are aware of,) I have chosen to remove all my writings from the past year. Not deleted, but not on the Internet. I am not re-writing history, I'm just editing a bit. For now, feast your eyes on this treasure trove of archived pre-Boston tidbits. I will add posts here from time to time, but I'm going to focus more of my energy on a different writing project, to be released soon.

Thanks for bearing with me, friends.