I had lunch with April and her AWESOME wean Harlan today at Kelly's, my favorite greasy spoon. I feel like a dolt, it turns out April luvvvvvvvs Foxy Lady and would've been happy to use my passes.
She also told me that the club had some serious trouble recently. Where was I when this story broke? Probably reading Goethe and sipping chardonnay, if I know me.
Bonus- Kelly's has two statues of Betty Boop waiting tables, an apt homage to the world's greatest cartoon feminist.
Jon and I got these passes as a gift from our roommate because, well, I don't know. They expire today though! I can't believe I forgot to round up the boys in my Iroc Z and take a kickin' road trip to Brockton! Now when will I get a chance to see depressing single moms dance like their meals depend on it?
Cailin and I got into a debate today about whether Betty Boop was a strong female character. Cailin's argument seemed to rest mostly on the fact that Betty had big boobs (which she didn't) and a high voice. It was a weak attack, but it speaks to a misconception many people have- Betty was a brainless sexpot.
I think she was forever tainted by her revival as a trashy t-shirt star from the early nineties. I mean, whose image could really withstand this kind of treatment?
Truth is, Betty Boop kicked most cartoon girls asses from her time period. While most of her contemporaries were passive floozies for dudes to rescue or fight over (Olive Oyl sucks,) Betty lived alone, worked at diners, fought for her beliefs and took out villainous dudes with her own guts and brains.
Maybe that was a bad example because Grampy does have to help her out and she does use her sexual charms to reward him. Whatever, it's pretty hilarious. Check out Grampy's torture machine- Outta sight!
I left you guys hanging with a "Meh meh, I'm working through some tough times" post, probably leading you to believe everything has sucked all week. Well thanks for all the cards and prayers, I really appreciate Riley's artful flower arrangement, but the truth is that everything is fine.
I'm pretty sure we've found a nice apartment with reasonable rent in Williamsburg (part of Brooklyn, for the outlanders) and that is the biggest load off my chest. It's not 100% guaranteed- we have to give $1000 deposit to the Orthodox landlord after Sabbath ends this evening and I'm afraid something will get muddled up before then. But things look good.
Besides that, it's been a shiny, full week. Gave blood, subsequently drank to excess with co-workers and almost made irrevocable mistakes, heard from a couple dear old friends who I lost touch with, ate well, got tanner, etc. I'm off for the weekend but I'll talk to y'all upon my return. Cheers chums.
Remember how I was supposed to get a huge cost-of-living raise when I moved to New York? And how my moving expenses would be paid for? Turns out the lady who made those promises 'spoke out of turn.'
Oh yeah, and remember the sweet apartment with my old friend? Also not happening. The landlord jacked the rent up to an unreasonable amount at the last minute. I'm now on the hunt for alternative housing, with a budget that's much lower than I anticipated.
I'm not crying though, I need a little adversity. Otherwise I wouldn't be moving in the first place. I've grown fat and complacent in Boston. Do your worst, New York City!
As Jon and I continue to blaze through awesome cartoon classics, I would feel remiss not to share some of our favorites with you. Please check out the brilliant 'Cobweb Hotel,' a Max Fleischer classic with flies as the heroes, a locale that resembles the Seventh Level of Hell, and a villain that scares the Bejeebus out of me!
I was at the local cash-only coffee shop this week and realized I was a dollar shy for my iced coffee. I quickly did the whole "Oh I've got a dollar in my car" routine, knowing I was late for work and would have to wait until the next day to pay my dues. All of a sudden, a grizzled old Cambridge lesbion thrust a dollar in the clerk's face and said she'd cover me. She even let me put six cents in the tip jar!
Man, that is community right there, that is the way things are meant to be. I vowed right then to do a good deed for someone else that day.
Of course, I am easily distracted by clouds and pie and bike couriers. My karmic balancing never worked out, though I had every intention of giving a muffin to the homeless. Then this happened the next morning when I checked my bank account online: 07/18/2007 Master Money Purchase DUNKIN DONUTS#301906 BOSTON MA $1.98 (-$1.75)
That's right, I got a $38 overdraft fee for a two-dollar iced coffee. It just seems too perfect. The lesson, ladies and germs, is to Pay It Forward with a quickness. If the karma gods think you're dragging your heels, you'll get spanked immediately! (No there is no lesson here about poor money management.)
Related: Check out this crappy story I wrote in Wisconsin.
I found this branch while talking to Griff on my phone and brought it with me on several errands. Then I put it in my mailbox. Can you tell what it looks like? Manparts. Possibly a femur. I almost had to swat a daschund who wanted to walk away with it while I got coffee. His owner said, "Nice branch." Oh, this old thing? Blush.
I'm going here tonight with Alli and her young cousin. I think I'll give it to the cousin to show I'm a nice guy and nature lover.
1) It has been three days since I returned from the Cape and my back remains Kool-Aid red and teeth-grind painful. My sunburn has a sunburn.
2) I have a red and blue warmup wristband, similar to the one on the right, sans 'pimpjuice.' It was a gift from SSS and I suspect it gives me power. At breakfast the other day, I saw another dude wearing one, except he had a hipsta glint in his eye. I suspect he thought himself the pinnacle of irony. At one point our gazes met and he looked down in shame. Wear it with pride, mofo!
3) I have a list of jokes that boring people make. Two examples: -Someone leaves, says goodbye, then comes back because they forgot something. Boring guy says, "Hey hey, look who's back!" or -Someone is carrying flowers. Boring guy says, "For me? You shouldn't have!" Do you have any standard duds for my joke list?
4) A famous Canadian just got more-so. Keep your eyes peeled for an upcoming Cheer detergent commercial, where said comedienne will have a silent role as 'the wife.' Let me know if you see it; I don't watch much TV. p.s. it strikes me that all my exes are becoming wives.
5) I took a major hit at work for saying 'Applebee's is delicious.' I unapologetically love that crappy chain. Maybe it's because it was the height of fine dining when I lived in Wisco. Maybe it's because I drank their green beer on St. Patty's Day with Jon and my sister. Maybe it's because Blooming Buffalo Mozzarella-Oreo Shooterstm rule. Whatever the reason, I got real sad when my co-workers said things like "Applebee's tastes like throw-up, which is gross." Everyone was laughing and Jonny wouldn't even back me up. Hurt.
This weekend we cruised down to the Cape in a Mercedes, which is pretty much like my truck except for the leather seats, stir-fry station, gun turrets and ability to drive underwater. Also, Alli discovered a special feature which makes the front seat break the legs of the person behind it. I bet loan sharks like Mercedes.
We stayed at the same house in Falmouth as last year (cheers Rob!), with a whole new cast of characters. I don't think we stopped eating all weekend, which led to Steve telling us how he puked once after eating 39 Chicken Nuggets, then ate a fortieth. Also I learned a lot about Kobayashi and his funny little body. Did you know homeboy's stomach is lower than most people, meaning that it can expand with food, totally un-constricted by his ribs? True story.
This led to a discussion about guys removing ribs for greater, ah, crotchal access (a la Marilyn Manson.) Weirdly enough, I swear we had the exact same conversation last year. I love tradition. We definitely upped the ante on dirty talk this time around; the weekend's topics included- manscaping, rashes, gag reflex, oral technique and some really foul potential submissions for urbandictionary.com.
The winner in the 'dirty new phrase' competition was Gypsy Spray, after we saw a boat named that. It's not cool to say bad things about gypsies anymore so I won't define it here. I really want to though! It's so funny! Ah well, check out this painting entitled, well, Gypsy Spray. Safe for work.
This isn't how I expected this post to turn out at all. I'm almost 30, I need to get my head out of the gutter. Okay, here's something innocent and also awesome. I'm going to go take a brain shower.
1) To the right is a photo Briana emailed of my French great-grandparents on their wedding day in 1920. Tres hot. click to enlarge
2) While walking Brie's dog tonight, I tried jimmying every available door handle on the haunted temple/castle on Highland Ave. I had big plans for mischief.
3) Also on the walk we saw a squat genderless old Asian person collecting cans from the trash. I then saw the cans being loaded into a Honda SUV worth five times what my truck is.
4) I have a four and a half hour Swedish art movie from Netflix. It's a classic, I really want to want to watch it. Anybody care to join me for a night of snacks and slow death?
5) This week, Cambridge sent a battalion or platoon or whatever to Iraq. I can't believe there's anyone else to ship out, I thought we tapped our reserves pretty thoroughly. Also, Cambridge troops?
6) Tomorrow I completely quit the smokes. It's gonna stick, that's why I feel cocky enough to write about it here. This summer is gonna rule.
7) Thank Jebus for Blogspot's new auto-save feature or I would have lost this entire post.
Last night after a smashing dinner party at Alli's, the Milkman and myself downed two pitchers at Socrates Newtowne with two previously unmentioned friends, Andy and Michelle. We spent an inordinate amount of time talking about cartoon conventions like this one. I was giddy.
So giddy, in fact, that Jon and I spent 3 hours today watching old-time cartoons, including Felix, Casper, Mighty Mouse, Heckle & Jeckle, Woody and Daffy (while they were still nuts.) There was also Donald Duck in a terrifying piece of WWII propaganda (the narrator kept saying "your taxes can bury The Axis" with backdrops of American bombers and battleships kicking ass.)
I think the hands-down favorite of the day was Popeye. This shit is too funny! Please check it out and tell me if you don't crack a wee smile.
I can't decide on my favorite part: -Olive Oyl turning Popeye's picture around while she's changing. -Popeye eating spinach so he can say 'I do.' -Olive's children burning her alive on a stake. -0:19 until the end.
My former live-in girlfriend/current friend Jessica just got engaged to a dapper chappie named John. I'm about 568% more excited about this than when Nicole got married to the Argentinian dancer. Congrats!
I had lunch with April and her AWESOME wean Harlan today at Kelly's, my favorite greasy spoon. I feel like a dolt, it turns out April luvvvvvvvs Foxy Lady and would've been happy to use my passes.
