Hey Chops!

The other night A-Ved and I were walking to the Someday Cafe to meet the reporter from the Phoenix. Walking by the Somerville Theater, I suggested we poke our heads in so Alli could meet my new roomie Josh, who was working at the Film Festival.

I was tricked at first when I saw a guy with extreme mutton chops holding court near the popcorn. Then I realized he was a lot younger than Josh and we kept going. Almost immediately after, Ved spotted Josh's signature chops* behind the wheel of a little gold Honda.

I started walking quickly, approaching the car with a wave and a grin. Josh rolled down the window and I leaned inside.

"Hey Big Boy, you looking to party?" I said seductively, playing the hustler for cheap laughs. Then I got serious and introduced him to Ved, who leaned in and shook his hand. All the while, I was looking at the impressive chops.

Then I simultaneously realized all of these things:
-Josh did not say his name to Ved.
-Josh isn't portly.
-Josh does not have a receding hairline or a light Hogan mustache.
-I had asked a stranger if he wanted to "party."
-I had gone too far to turn back.
-I had no idea what to do next.

The dude asked if we were going to the festival and I freaked out and lied. "Yu-yu-yeah!" I stammered. Unfortunately he wanted to know which film we were going to.

I had discussed all 3 or 4 movies that day with Real Josh, but under the circumstances could not remember any of them. I think I was a bit preoccupied with finding the easiest escape route. Finally I thought of a half-assed response and started to move away from the situation.

"Uh, the Nick Cave one, haveagoodnight," I muttered with an awkward parting smile and wave. I felt relieved to get away, but the guy was probably just as glad to be rid of me. He rolled up his window and sped off while we went inside to wait for the reporter.

Epilogue: Don't worry, Ved got to meet Real Josh later while she was wearing zombie makeup.

*Are they really his signature when I saw 3 guys wearing them in the same night? I'm just saying.