Melt Show

I'm sitting shirtless on my bed, eating salted avocado slices and drinking beer. I just spent 2 hours transplanting the air conditioner and sealing all the doors with insulation tape.

If you haven't heard, we're having a bit of a heat wave in the Northeast. The kind where old people and dogs die. It's early for this kind of sledgehumid but our world is changing, what can you do? (Don't say "stop using hairspray" or "make the cows stop gassing" because that's stupid. We're Americans.)

I am dissatisfied with my wee air conditioner and its asthmatic bursts of wispy coolness. I keep calling it a p*ssy, which is a word I never use in any other context. I'm not really complaining though. At least I have beer and the ability to take my shirt off, which is better than if I was a girl in Utah. Right?

Let's look at how some other New Yorkers are coping with the heat, shall we?

El Toro- Slept on kitchen floor last night after soaking all her clothes in water, will buy air conditioner if any exist in New York. Otherwise, will die.

Princess Hammer- Mentioned she hates summer, reneged statement after installing behemoth freeze station, now lording it over the rest of us suckers.

J.Hynes- Just returned from adventure travel in Israel, says desert was cooler than New York City.

Mert- Slept at girlfriend's un-airconditioned house in Park Slope, now hates girlfriend, may burn special rug.

*marlo*- Came to horrible realization that misshapen Queens window fits no air conditioner, abandoned all clothes and other bourgeois trappings.

The 6 train- Usually sure and steady, now showing signs of wear and unreliability, forced Jesse to wait 12 minutes today!

Our flower patch- This spring, El Toro and I reclaimed a patch of ugly Bushwick earth by planting wildflowers (see right), I'll tell that story another day. For today, just know that the flowers are dying.

Puerto Ricans- Partying like it's their job, best parade ever.