4) Boston's Finest

I'm sure I'm the first snarky blogster to comment on yesterday's ludicrous events in Boston. I am glad to have such an eye for the absurd.

For those not in the know, 'bombs' started showing up around Boston yesterday, under bridges, at subway stations and Fenway Park. Homeland Security, the FBI, the Canadian Mounties and the French Foreign Legion were all called in to deal with the situation. Trains were shut down, roadblocks were set up on the highway, children were taken from their mothers, litterers were executed. It was quite the shitshow.

We received periodic emails from some operations manager at work, giving us updates on the situation. The whole thing put people on pins and needles, as it should. Bombs kill innocent people all over this messed-up world, so why not Boston? Just because I'm sipping my latte and making dirty jokes, doesn't exempt me from the world's angermongers.

Oh wait, what's that you say? They weren't bombs at all? Turner Broadcast Networks is apologizing to the people of Boston?

As it turns out, it was all part of a guerilla advertising campaign for Aqua Teen Hunger Force, the long-running staple of Adult Swim. The bombs were actually Lite-Brites, adorned with the image of ignignokt, the character pictured here.

Turner distributed these little marketing ploys in heavily-trafficked areas of ten different cities. Yet only in humorless Boston were the Lite-Brites mistaken for anything other than they were.

Now Mayor Menino is out for blood, saying that perpetrators of "terror hoaxes" should be crushed by the Iron Fist of the law. The Boston Globe editorial page agrees, saying Turner was irresponsible to put fake bombs everywhere and needs to pay. The artists who actually put the Lite-Brites up have been arrested.

Um guys, stop making this more embarassing for everybody, m'kay? These were not fake bombs, they were little toys. Just because you freaked out and spent over $800,000(!) putting Boston under martial law doesn't mean it's anything more than a dumb misunderstanding. Calling this a terror hoax makes me want to scream and laugh all at once. I wish I had separate chambers in my mouth.