4) Grotesquerie

I'm sure you all know the type. Woman in her late forties, years of hard living on her face, wearing far too much makeup and clothes appropriate for a girl 30 years her junior (nose piercing, too-tight jeans, etc.) This is the type of woman that makes me feel melancholy to see trawling for men at closing time. Well today I passed one of these sad specimens of youth gone by on my way into the subway station. She was staring at the subway map and I gave her no more than a quick glance. I was startled to have my look returned with a glare of raw, naked hate. I quickly looked away and shot down the escalator.

As I was sitting reading a few minutes later, I looked up and saw Baby Jane descending the same escalator. Again, her stare was fixed directly on me, and the look was pure venom. Shockingly, she started making strange erratic pantomime motions as she descended. One motion looked like she was karate chopping her own neck, another looked like she was trying to lift her head off her shoulders. And all the while, she was maintaining direct eye contact. I glanced around and notice a few other people are watching this little scene play out. Besides a little private pity in my head, what had I done wrong?

Finale: At the bottom of the escalator, she comes within five feet of me and yells, "Get yourself a girl; I'm a woman!"