Snotrocket Siesta
The other day I was riding the train home from work when I noticed the teenage girls across from me laughing and whispering. Because I am the nucleus of everyone else's lives, I immediately thought to myself, "What have I done to cause this merriment?" I had just eaten a sandwich so I did a quick swipe of the beard. Then I looked down and saw no castaway crumbs shoring up in my clothes. Also, my fly was up.
In the midst of my thorough inspection, the laughter of the girls became contagious. An old Portugese family nearby was now cracking up, as was the athletic couple to my right. The hipster chick across the way was clearly trying to restrain her laughter because funny=square. What in the world? Did I have a gaping head wound and no one bothered to tell me? That would be pretty hilarious.
Then I looked to my left and figured it out in a heartbeat- there was an obese sleeping man with over 3 inches of snot coming in and out of his nostril with every breath. Some of it had already cascaded down onto his too-tight t-shirt. It was revolting and kind of sad but I think we are programmed to think these things are funny (thank you Police Academy.) If a little kid had run up and kicked the guy in the groin, I imagine people would've reacted similarly.
Then all at once, a collective wave of guilt washed over the train car. "Oh wait a minute, that poor guy just lost every shred of dignity." The hipster looked at me pleadingly and said, "He was sneezing when he came on the train. Maybe he has a really bad cold." I responded by raising my eyebrows. As if medical explanations could somehow put a nice shine on this commuter abomination.
Other people got resourceful and started digging around for kleenex and napkins. One guy found a paper towel (some carry coffee ice cream, others paper towels) but then got shy. "He's sleeping, I don't wanna wake him up." There were murmurs of agreement all around, as no one had the courage to tell Sleeping Beauty that today just wasn't his day. Can you imagine waking up to that?
In the end, the guy quietly left the paper towel on Snotty's lap and got off at his stop. Jenny suggests it would be very embarassing to wake up with a snotrag suggestion from a stranger. My thought is that he would be humiliated anyway when he saw the goop all over his shirt, but at least he would realize there are kind human beings out there. I got off the train feeling thoughtful.
posted by jesse @ 1:29 PM
5 Comments:
Wow, the poor guy must've been really ill. I'm sure he will appreciate the paper towel even if he is slightly embarassed.
wow, poor guy. i think i would be mortified if that was me.
especially since when you wake up, you might not realize that you have an enormous snot coming out of your nose right away. you look down to find a paper towel in your lap thinking that someone has impolitely discarded their trash on you while you slept and brush it aside. all the while, everyone else on the train is watching, waiting for the reaction to the snot. finally, you realize that people are staring at you... or that half your face is feeling a strange moist sensation, and bam. red face, snot, paper towel now on the train's floor. bad day just keeps getting worse.
poor guy. imagine if he woke up and then ate it?!? that would be priceless.
m- I'm not sure if it was one of those nice 8-ply fancy paper towels from Saks Fifth Avenue or the scratchy sandpaper kind from an elementary school bathroom.
j- I think you want the story to go that way. I think you want him to eat his snot. Gross.
You know, I feel sorry for the guy but my first and initial reaction was and is, eeeeewwwww gross! (And I teach little kids where snot is a prevalent thing in my daily life...still yucky...)
yes praha, I agree with your assertion that snot is in fact, gross.
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