The Tale of Saggy Baggles

Do you guys know Alli? She is sooo wicked super fun! You should totally be friends with her, she dates celebrities and plays zombie dressup and deletes her Friendster profile and dances like Kelis and has two moms. We went to Vermont last weekend and made a circle tour of Lake Champlain, stopping at flea markets, food shacks and holy sites along the way.

I made Alli stop at an old haunted train car that was filled with mannequins and Christmas decorations. She wants to use this as her main profile photo at rumpshaker.com.

A bit later we stopped at a horrible little yard sale where the crusty lady wouldn't barter with her overpriced crap. "Wellll, those nail clippers are actually from World War II and were used by Eisenhower right before the Tet Offensive, when he defeated Napoleon. Sorry, $25 firm."
I didn't buy anything except for a painting of a salty old sailor with his arm around a young skipper. I also took pictures of the lady's crap to prove I am a fruity city-slicker. "Ooh, look at the contrast of light and dark. Everything is so authentic!"

This is a huge saint shrine that I assume is made of solid gold. At the bottom was a little trough of holy water that Alli used to freshen up. I took a picture of her posed provocatively by the trough but she said the angle made her nose look like an isosceles triangle. Girls is crazy. Am I right?

In this picture, I had just bought Alli a nice diamond broach. This made her very angry so she threw poison berries at me.

Wouldn't it be weird if that face wasn't in the tree when Alli took the picture and it showed up now because of my huge sins? That would be weird.

I adopted a child from Hong Kong named Quasimodo. Quasimodo loves roadside poutine.

I can't remember what is happening in this picture. Options:
a) Alli is showing the old "found a french fry in my nose" trick, a distant disgusting cousin of the "found a quarter in your ear" trick.
b) Alli is showing Quasi what not to do at the dinner table.
c) Alli wants attention.
Please note the ash smudge on Quasimodo's forehead. I decided he will be raised Catholic. The ash is his way of celebrating Ash Saturday, which I'm pretty sure is in August. Actually I don't know shit about Catholicism so I just bought him this book and got drunk on whiskey. The end.