For you

It has been three days since I last wrote. In honor of each day, let me present three of the funniest things I said in that time period, as well as the warm accolades I received.

1) Funny: I came up with the idea of an all-male performance of the Vagina Monologues, where sensitive males prove to womyn everywhere that they are in touch with their inner vaginas.

Reaction: Griff said he already heard that joke in an indie movie.

2) Funny: I was in the elevator with my sister, on our way to the HR department to enter a raffle. There was an attorney in the elevator.
Jesse: Ooh, while I'm there, remind me to file that harassment suit against you. It's been on my to-do list for awhile.
Sister: Sure thing. I hope it doesn't make things weird with Mom.

Reaction: The attorney kept his eyes averted and appeared to grimace a bit.

3) Funny: April is spending the weekend with her husband in New York, celebrating their one-year anniversary. I wrote in an e-mail:
P.S. I'd be happy to go with you guys to New York. I promise that won't be awkward.
"Hey guys, what do you wanna do next?!!" (jumping up and down on bed)
"Uh Jesse, I think we want to be alone now."

Reaction: Total e-silence. Of course, I sent that e-mail about a half-hour ago so maybe I'm jumping the gun. We'll see.