The Missing Link

Before I give a full de-briefing on Martha's Vineyard, I would like to discuss a bizarre phenomenon we witnessed on the ferry ride home. Alli and I were sitting by the railing, nursing our hangovers and talking about things the body does. All of a sudden we noticed a commotion about 30 feet away. A plump little child was feeding Cheetos to seagulls while tourists snapped thousands of photos.

At first, he was just tossing the snack treats in the air, watching the gulls swoop in and catch. Then he got bolder and enticed these winged wonders to snatch the Cheetos out of his hand. And before we knew it, he was holding Cheetos between his thumb and forefinger...in front of his eye! Wow, they just don't come dumber than that.

Yes, he was the Idiot King, but he definitely had some contenders for the crown. I mean, this kid was about 10 or 11 years old. Children are naturally stupid. So what is the excuse for the gang of tourists who followed the pre-teen's lead and started feeding the gulls out of their own hands? I don't think there is one.

Before we knew it, there were people standing around everywhere with food outstretched in their hands, squealing with delight as the 'pigeons of the sea' started getting bolder and terrorizing everyone on the ship. I guess the tourists thought it was an open-air petting zoo, because they also whipped their bagels, chips and hot dog buns to and fro, ensuring there was nowhere safe to stand on deck. The birds started pooping, screeching and swooping down on people who were just trying to eat in peace. Alli ran away and curled up in the fetal position.

A pictorial review:
Hey you, wee man in the red t-shirt! Sure, you look pretty innocent with your fanny pack and your dull little eyes. But you don't fool me- you're the Pied Piper of the Vineyard Ferry!
"Hey that little urchin is onto something, let's invite those screeching filthbirds onto the ship!"
Dumb woman, Smartfood. I feel like these people would've offered up their wallets and jewelry to get attention from the birds.
And here is the, how you say, money shot.