Vacation (all I ever wanted)

hi friends, here is a short list of vacation funfacts.
1) Because we don't speak spanish, we have felt too much like typical american tourists. Somehow this has led to us speaking french all the time. In fact at dinner last night we ate with a couple from Italy and Germany. We said we were from Quebec and spoke French for the whole meal. It was such an easy lie.
2) Although many prices here are given in American dollars, there are very few americans on the island. The ones that are here suck. We travelled with a middle-aged couple from Nebraska. I hate them. They say things like "Nothing I've seen makes me want to leave the resort" and "I'm glad they have fences up to keep out, well, you know." I forgot to ask their names.
3) Last night we played gin rummy and drank about 100 beers. I felt very content, smoking cigarettes with tropical breezes coming through the window and my MP3 player hooked up to little speakers. It was a perfect moment. Then Nicole threw up in the bidet. That's okay. She's pretty awesome.
4) There is a nude beach within walking distance of our hotel. We plan to inspect it before we go, although we're afraid of running into someone we know. I bet small talk is especially awkward when a person's junk is hanging out. A sidenote is that Nicole went topless at the hotel beach, following the lead of some nearby Swedes. I almost swallowed my tongue because I am a geeky American, unaccustomed to such continental flair.
5) We bought matching functional blowguns with pirahna teeth on them. I have no idea how "authentic" they are but I bet if we dip the darts in poison, we could "authentically" take out some Nebraskans. Hypothetically.
6) Nicole is the patron saint of all stray dogs. Now there is always a small pack of them who follow us to the outdoor cafe and the beach. She named her favorite Anubis.
7) Tomorrow we are going snorkelling at an old sunken ship, then diving into the Mud of Eternal Youth. I wonder if the second thing is a joke that locals play on tourists to get them dirty.

Well that's it for now. Dinner awaits. Adios amigos.