1) Return to the Dark Side
I also hate:
Burger King french fries- I think it was over five years ago that everything went wrong. Any of you with fast food experience will know exactly what I mean- they took all the delicious and turned it to shit. Puffy, crusty, tasteless and vile. I remember returning my first batch of these crispy critters, telling the cashier something was very wrong. I realized with horror that the replacements tasted exactly the same. Between that and the end of the 99-cent Whopper, the Golden Arches began to beckon.
Guinness beer- Everyone has their booze horror story like "Omigod I'll never drink _____ again because of this night at Senor Froggies where I totally puked all over the maitre'd..." I don't have one of those stories. I do have one that involves sitting in my friend's basement at the age of 16, drinking warm cans of Guinness until I felt like Augustus Gloop. Now just the sight of this thick bitter "beer" makes me feel instantly full. That's actually how I keep my girlish figure.
Green olives- My question is this- how can black olives be so delicious and versatile, whereas their green cousins taste like rot and are filled with pimentos, thus preventing me from putting them on my fingers and playing the "Olive Monster?" Maybe they should call these things stenchberries. Then I bet you wouldn't like them so much, oh ye gourmets of the world.
p.s. Edithved claims there are other olives too (like red ones) but I think she's crazy or French or something.
Hollandaise sauce- For all I know, Eggs Benedict might be delicious, if it wasn't for the sloppy white goop they slather all over them. My dudefriends all love to get eggs benny whenever we go out after a heavy night of drinking. I always say something witty to them like, "Are you going to spit or swallow?" or "Retch City, population: you." That kind of joke makes me popular.
Wet eggs- Come to think of it, you'd also have to take the eggs out of Eggs Benedict to make them delicious. If I eat eggs, scrambled, fried or any other way, I cannot stand it if there's even a hint of slime. I, for one, do not want to be reminded that this breakfast treat was once a goopy embryo. Maybe you do.
p.s. Some people eat placenta.
10 posts.
posted by jesse @ 3:26 PM
15 Comments:
why are there two #2s?
get with the program.
there are as many olives as apples
i dislike:
newcastle beer--tastes like garbage.
japanese pickled radish--nasty.
eel--blaah.
venison--tastes creepy, too gamey.
I will let you know if i think of anything else.
scallops: call me crazy, but i don't want to eat something that looks like a big ball of mucus.
beets: they taste like scum.
black licorice: makes me gag. justin loves it, though. speaking of jk, i wonder why he didn't throw up a little something on his hate for mayo?
harry potter jelly beans: c'mon. one of the flavors is puke, for goodness sake.
Greek Salad: good.
olives: bad.
Guinness Beer: good (esp. in Dublin)
Burger King fries: bad, and whatever happened to calling those things 'Freedom Fries'? pretty silly.
but Freedom Toast makes me proud to live in the land of the Free, home of the Brave, land that we love oh la la la.
PRAISE BE TO JESUS!!!! CARNY IS NO MORE !!!
OK, had to get that out of the way .. to all interested parties, PDR is again seeking an editor.
Qualities sought:
- no shaved head
- no prison ink
- no pubic-hair-looking goatee
- has seen a dentist within lifetime
- literate, at least semi
- must breathe out of nose at least 50 percent of the time
- change jingling must be minimized
- no history of wife beating/stalking
- functional brain
*** MOST IMPORTANT: Must truthfully not be able to utter the phrase, "Yeah, I worked as a carny once between newspaper jobs" (GAlthoff and I may be the only two people on earth to have ever heard this sentence uttered.)
OK, could go on .. but, anyway, I love nearly every food on earth except for grapefruit and maraschino cherries. HOwever, in Munich I once saw cow udder (Kuheuter, I think?) on a menu and chose not to order it.
Oh man, I just love shepherd's pie, tuna casserole and "boiled dinner." Total comfort foods, just like Mom would make if she could remember how (those strokes left her kinda loopy). Yummy. Although, anything sounds good now that carney-man is gone. Jesse, come back. You can be the editor. I'll put in a good word, hahaha!
it's true all food is good in america. all disgusting food can be found across the water in the form of: stewed tomatoes for breakfast, vegemite, haggis, blood pudding, shandies (weird beer & lemonade mixture) and butter as sandwich spread in lieu or mayo or mustard. although they do make a good curry over there. imperialist bastards
Yes - in Germany you can buy this tasty thing comprised of little meat byproduct chunks in congealed aspic ..can't remember the name in either language but it is sold by the slice, it is very popular. Organ meats of all kinds are big there, at least in Bavaria. A diet like that could make one want to march through Poland now and then.
sorry .. just can't stop with these food comments. OK, it's raining and i'm bored.When I was 9 or 10, I would often eat peanut butter and mayonaisse on toast. I really did this and thought it was tasty at the time. I also enjoyed looking at old tombstones as a child. OK, i'll stop
it seems like every time i go abroad i am given the opportunity by the local food seller or the market vendor to eat an animal's face or penis. i have not yet taken this opportunity, but on my next trip i think i will try it. i mean you only live once and i think you would earn the respect of whatever local gave it to you. or at least they would tell stories about what an idiot you were. either way.
also, goat cheese is the worst thing. it tastes like the undigested contents of a stomach.
griff how can you know that for sure? When was the last time you ate goat cheese and as jesse pointed out - most dairies these days use cow milk not goat milk in those cheeses (like feta) that we all think are made of goat milk and therefore assume are vile.
I don't know why I'm being so defensive about el queso de goat. truly, i can't care. just being contrary i guess.
Holy moly! I go away for one weekend (Nicole decided to throw away the Internet)and the whole world chimes in, breaking all previous records for confetti in my hair. Cheers!
One by one:
Ms. B- Calorie schmalorie, certain foods just fill you up. When I worked at a movie theater, I couldn't eat for many hours after one box of popcorn.
And don't come crying to me when you've got the Turb-o (tuberculosis) and I'm sitting pretty on Homeopathic Mountain.
Beth- Very informative.
Jack Graham- Clever, my friend, clever. But I tell you what- I'll cook those Beaters into the next Ice Age.
Beth- I used to like Newcastle until they started using trash as a flavoring agent. Radish, eel, I don't care. Venison is gamey, but is that so wrong? For the love of dinner, give it a chance.
Suzi- Good to hear from you, it's been awhile. Olives in martinis are there for decor, not flavor. Also martinis are gross.
Sorry to hear about no BK. I'll FedEx you a Whopper. (fries aside, I can't deny Burger King is running one of the best games in fast food town.)
Jomo- Scallops are one of the best things ever. I'm all, "Chomp." Let your brother gently guide you.
I'm beet-neutral. I don't hate on black lic, but it's definitely the ugly cousin of its delicous red relative. Harry Potter jellybeans? Gross is the point, straight man.
Mattie- You're a good kid. Please reference this post.
Mr. Graham- I'm with you on scallops, until the bitter end.
I really would like to hate mayonnaise. Unfortunately I slather it on every goddamn thing like I'm a GD hillbilly. I also mix mayo with stuff. There's this one sauce that makes salmon shine, where you mix it with hot paprika and raw garlic.
Dopskis- Glad to hear you're rid of that no-good rascal. I hope you shook your fist in the air as he squealed out of the parking lot.
Grapefruit is tart but not without its charms. Maraschino cherries truly are the hot dogs of fruit. However, how can they be wrong when they taste so right? (I also eat convenience store hot dogs)
Ms. B- Yowza how have we had so many pleasurable meals together? I mean, shepherds pie is God's gift to the middle class. And yes, tuna casserole is kind of provincial and Midwestern, but it's also damn tasty. However, I cannot argue with you on boiled dinner.
p.s. Your food is always righteous.
Nessbaum- Well-put. I would add ravioli to the list of comfort foods extraordinaire. And yes, I will edit the PDR as long as you can relocate Portage to Boston. Great city. (I would like to get tanked again at your swingin' pad.)
Ved- Always dumpin' that tea in the ocean...
Dops- A little Mass-Wisco agreement, very nice. Bridging the divide. But PB and mayo? I hope you at least had an imaginary friend to keep your spirits up.
Griff-on- Are you sure "face or penis" was an offer of food? Was this in Bangkok or Tijuana by any chance? (what an obvious joke.)
And finally, I'm not trying to take sides here, but I think we all know my feelings on the stinkjuice they call goat's milk.
(sorry about the fruit, b. life is wicked hahd.)
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