Riding the Blamesquirrel

For some time now, my home internet has been breaking down almost once a week. Every time the DSL guy comes, he says something like, "Jesus Lord I've never seen a mess like this!" Apparently the techinician is continually confronted with an ugly mess of melted sizzling wires in the cable box. He or she will diligently fix the problem, only to have it happen again the following week. I've been telling people this story about how squirrels like to gnaw on our DSL wires, a blatant fabrication. I think I've said it enough that I actually started to believe it was true and hate the little buggers.

Through the fog of lies has continually been a nagging little voice:
"Have you noticed that the wires seem to fry every time you use the special illegal Six Feet Under downloading software? C'mon Jesse you must've noticed at least a small connection..."
Then I drown that nagging voice with beer and lengthy rants about the damn squirrels. Well I think the lies need to end.

This morning Vic was standing in the kitchen, hand on his forehead. I think his eyes looked a little misty.
Vic: The internet is down again. Why in the world are we so cursed?!!
Jesse: "So, um, this has always been a problem, right? Stupid Comcast, heh heh, squirrels, etc."
Vic: "No, it only started happening pretty recently. For the life of me, I just can't puzzle it out..."
Then he walked over the window and gazed off at a squirrel on a telephone line.

Alright, I'll come clean. For the record, it's my internet piracy that is ruining the Internet for everybody in the household. I am bad, squirrels are cute.
Wow, I feel so much better now that I've said that. I guess honesty truly is the best policy. Please don't tell my roommates.