Different Suits
Suit One:
Two weeks ago, standing outside The Field, talking on cell phone.
"Jesus dude, I just got dropped off at the bar and I feel like a real jerk. I'm wearing my damn suit."
When he got off the phone, Jenny and I told him it was okay, people would like him anyway.
Suit Two:
Walking by me tonight in the Financial District, holding a bruised and battered guitar case while typing on his Blackberry and smoking a cigarette. He looks up and shoots me an apologetic look. I think he felt bad for being a walking contradiction. "Sorry I can't make up my mind."
Suit Three:
Last night, dangling a twenty-dollar bill in front of a homeless man sitting outside 7-11, while saying for the benefit of his smirking friend,
"Now you gotta promise not to buy bad shit with this!"
"Uh yeah yeah, I promise, I don't do nothin' bad."
Each time the suit would almost give it to the guy, he would yank it away and extract more promises. It was a fucked-up and unnecessary exertion of the obvious power the suit had over the destitute man. Ten minutes later, as I told the story to my pops on the cell phone, I was happy to see the homeless guy go right to the first liquor store he saw. Promises to yerks are meant to be broken.
Got any good suit stories?
posted by jesse @ 8:15 PM
6 Comments:
you should have socked suit 3 right in his puffy condescending face. Really, how dare he? Yerkface.
meanwhile, i am intrigued by suit #2...so much! i think i love him. i do.
There aren't suits in Wisconsin. There are only various cheddar-simulating items of apparel, for the hip, and for the farmers, manure-fragmented farmer garb and shit-kickin' boots.
Also, we all smoke corn-cob pipes.
i know i'm sort of late, but the suit across from me at this very moment is talking on his cell phone. in the library.
um, a suit on a cell phone, acting rude. c'mon now, what else is new?
suitless in seattle is hilarious.
Here are the correct answers:
You should have:
1) Slapped suit #1 in the face for violating one of the rules I recently posted on my blog.
2) Feigned being impressed with suit #2's multitasking ability, asked him to play you something on his guitar, and then smashed his blackberry for violating another rule from by blog.
3) Punched suit #3 right in the belly, tied him up, taken his wallet, and maxed out his credit card at the packy after which you would have had the homeless dude get as his buddies together and drink top shelf liquor right in from of suit #3.
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