Anti-Climax

When I take so long to finish an anecdote, I lose both the wind in my sails and the ability to remember a story's choicest details (I blame drugs.) Nonetheless, here's an abbreviated version of a long-awaited fable:

Jon, cousin Erin and I hurtled over to the Good Time Emporium, deep in East Somerville, for some New England Championship Wrestling. After driving around for what seemed like forever, we ended up at a strange seedy family funhouse under a strange seedy overpass in a strange seedy part of town.
Generally the whole night was pretty hilarious. Many of the wrestlers looked like they were fresh out of rehab or mothering 8 children, the pageantry was fabulous and pathetic and the "wrestling" had the quality of a poorly choreographed teen dance routine. And yet, I am not one of those jerks who goes to monster truck rallies and amateur wrestling purely for irony, so I can guffaw with my cultured friends before taking refuge with the New Yorker and a glass of pinot. No, I find things like rodeos and stunt lumberjacks and car races legitimately entertaining. That's why I miss Wisconsin.

A few choice moments from the evening:
-The morbidly obese man in front of me started yelling at deceptively-named Luscious Lily that the only thing she knew how to wrestle was a box of Twinkies. I wanted to say, "You're so fat, mister..." but then I realized it was no place to be self-righteous.
-The ticket taker tried to make nice with my little cousin, so I gave him a quick dropkick in the spirit of the evening.
-Ethnically questionable Alere Little Feather made her NECW debut with her mascot, which was a stuffed Alf doll with a little headress*. When she was royally trounced by someone from Waterbury, Connecticut, another boisterous fan yelled out "Go back to Arizona!", which is apparently where all the fake Indians come from. Personally I think "Go back to Connecticut!" would've been much ruder.
-After another rookie wrestler made her debut and started getting creamed, an amped-up female fan started screeching: "You know where you are?!! You're in the jungle baby!!" and then proceeded to sing most of The GnR favorite in an Axl falsetto. Yowza.

*I later figured out that ALF is the first letters of 'Alere Little Feather.' This begs the question, did she make up her special American Indian name because she wanted to bring her doll to wrestling matches?
I can't know.