Star Wars for Gays

I am in the unique position of seeing my ex's name whenever I piss in Manhattan. Kohler is the name of a huge plumbing supply company and it appears they won the contract on New York toilets and urinals. It's a funny little startle.

If I could choose, I would see my name emblazoned on delicious chicken tenders and flowers. Or this.
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I'm ready to take my complicated relationship with cats (they are disgusting and cute, I've killed two, I nurture one) to the next level. Seriously, I think it'll be the cultural experience of a lifetime, like Best in Show meets Willie Wonka. I guarantee there's at least three serial killers in the crowd.

V likes the phrase "Click here for Agility jewelry."
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My birthday is next week, I'm having three little events instead of one big one. Ooh, and my co-workers are taking me to Applebees for lunch! I know it's pretty fancy, but you only turn 30 once.

Damn, we have CPR training that day, I hope we can cancel. Though I love locking lips with my boo Resusci-Annie, I'd rather stuff my face with Hot Fudge Jalapeno Steak Nibble-tinis. Unfortunately no one will know how to give me the Heimlich.