American Lit

Each year, the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest picks the worst possible opening for a novel from among hundreds or thousands of submissions. This year's winner, submitted by Dan McKay of Fargo, ND:
As he stared at her ample bosom, he daydreamed of the dual Stromberg carburetors in his vintage Triumph Spitfire, highly functional yet pleasingly formed, perched prominently on top of the intake manifold, aching for experienced hands, the small knurled caps of the oil dampeners begging to be inspected and adjusted as described in chapter seven of the shop manual.