enough

yesterday I drove shelby to madison to die.
she looked at me curiously while I cried and tried not to swerve off the road.
I continued to fall apart at the clinic with Nicole. The kitty took time out from being lethargic to fight tooth and nails with the vet who tried to put in the IV. they had to give her a pre-death sedative, allowing her to die peacefully.
when we carried her little body out to my truck, it started snowing for the first time this year, a fitting tribute.
we buried her in my backyard at night in the snow, Nicole shining a flashlight while I dug my first grave. Nicole set up some railroad driftwood and stones as a little marker, we told some teary stories and said goodbye.
I can't believe how hard this has hit me. I almost felt bad cleaning the gravemud off my shoes today, like I was cleansing myself of the cat's memory. I've got too much to do to continue moping. enough.